What If This Isn't It?
Friday, January 30. 2009
WARNING: Melancholy blog entry ahead!
How does one determine what it is that one is good at?
I've recently (within the past year) learned that music is not something I'm actually good at. It's something of a shame to come to this realization at this point in my life, because I've been involved in some way or another in music since I was in elementary school, and I've been playing keyboards in public almost constantly since ninth grade...up until the spring of 2008. I don't believe I've even touched a keyboard since then. I've come to the conclusion that I've wasted enough time on something that's clearly a dead end for me.
So I've been working at writing semi-seriously now for perhaps five years. I count the beginning of my "semi-serious" writing phase as the time in May 2004 when I took a personal retreat to the Mayan Riviera and spent a week in a little bamboo hut on the beach working on my writing. When one actually pays money to an airline associated with a hobby, it seems to me it's no longer simply a hobby.
Now, I haven't spent the time that I should on writing since that auspicious beginning, as I often (perhaps ad nauseum) lament in this space. But I'm getting better at setting aside time for writing. I'm getting ready right now to get on a plane from Phoenix to Charlotte, and I plan to spend all the time I can on that flight (until my netbook battery runs out) writing or editing. I am indeed applying myself to writing, in hopes that I will prove to be a success at it.
But what if I'm no good at this, either?
What if I never get published, and twenty years from now I finally give up? What then? Shall I try something else, see if I do any good at that? What if I finally find something I'm good at when I'm 90 years old? Will I even have time to enjoy the experience? (And hopefully, it won't turn out to be something like extreme mountain-biking.)
I don't know the solution to this problem. All I can do is keep pounding away at things I like to do—like writing—and hope something positive comes of it. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll find myself on my deathbed and wonder why I wasted my life on things I couldn't succeed at.
Where's that reset button?
WARNING: Melancholy blog entry ahead!
How does one determine what it is that one is good at?
I've recently (within the past year) learned that music is not something I'm actually good at. It's something of a shame to come to this realization at this point in my life, because I've been involved in some way or another in music since I was in elementary school, and I've been playing keyboards in public almost constantly since ninth grade...up until the spring of 2008. I don't believe I've even touched a keyboard since then. I've come to the conclusion that I've wasted enough time on something that's clearly a dead end for me.
So I've been working at writing semi-seriously now for perhaps five years. I count the beginning of my "semi-serious" writing phase as the time in May 2004 when I took a personal retreat to the Mayan Riviera and spent a week in a little bamboo hut on the beach working on my writing. When one actually pays money to an airline associated with a hobby, it seems to me it's no longer simply a hobby.
Now, I haven't spent the time that I should on writing since that auspicious beginning, as I often (perhaps ad nauseum) lament in this space. But I'm getting better at setting aside time for writing. I'm getting ready right now to get on a plane from Phoenix to Charlotte, and I plan to spend all the time I can on that flight (until my netbook battery runs out) writing or editing. I am indeed applying myself to writing, in hopes that I will prove to be a success at it.
But what if I'm no good at this, either?
What if I never get published, and twenty years from now I finally give up? What then? Shall I try something else, see if I do any good at that? What if I finally find something I'm good at when I'm 90 years old? Will I even have time to enjoy the experience? (And hopefully, it won't turn out to be something like extreme mountain-biking.)
I don't know the solution to this problem. All I can do is keep pounding away at things I like to do—like writing—and hope something positive comes of it. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll find myself on my deathbed and wonder why I wasted my life on things I couldn't succeed at.
Where's that reset button?
How does one determine what it is that one is good at?
I've recently (within the past year) learned that music is not something I'm actually good at. It's something of a shame to come to this realization at this point in my life, because I've been involved in some way or another in music since I was in elementary school, and I've been playing keyboards in public almost constantly since ninth grade...up until the spring of 2008. I don't believe I've even touched a keyboard since then. I've come to the conclusion that I've wasted enough time on something that's clearly a dead end for me.
So I've been working at writing semi-seriously now for perhaps five years. I count the beginning of my "semi-serious" writing phase as the time in May 2004 when I took a personal retreat to the Mayan Riviera and spent a week in a little bamboo hut on the beach working on my writing. When one actually pays money to an airline associated with a hobby, it seems to me it's no longer simply a hobby.
Now, I haven't spent the time that I should on writing since that auspicious beginning, as I often (perhaps ad nauseum) lament in this space. But I'm getting better at setting aside time for writing. I'm getting ready right now to get on a plane from Phoenix to Charlotte, and I plan to spend all the time I can on that flight (until my netbook battery runs out) writing or editing. I am indeed applying myself to writing, in hopes that I will prove to be a success at it.
But what if I'm no good at this, either?
What if I never get published, and twenty years from now I finally give up? What then? Shall I try something else, see if I do any good at that? What if I finally find something I'm good at when I'm 90 years old? Will I even have time to enjoy the experience? (And hopefully, it won't turn out to be something like extreme mountain-biking.)
I don't know the solution to this problem. All I can do is keep pounding away at things I like to do—like writing—and hope something positive comes of it. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll find myself on my deathbed and wonder why I wasted my life on things I couldn't succeed at.
Where's that reset button?
Inspiration! In-In-In-In-spiration!
Wednesday, January 28. 2009
Wow, it's been over a week since I've blogged. It's not that I don't have anything I want to say, it's just that I have trouble finding the time to say it. Much like my prose writing.
My writing albatross recently has been the question of inspiration. (And the inspiration for the silly title of this blog entry is courtesy of the original Electric Company...) Do you write only when inspired, or seek inspiration through writing? Both have happened to me.
I particularly enjoy writing when the former situation occurs. I'll be idly reviewing ideas or recent plot points in my mind, when suddenly the planets align, all the gears mesh, and I see something grand. I'll be struck with an urgent desire—actually, more a need—to record this flash of insight, and I'll rush to the keyboard. These are the most satisfying writing sessions.
But far more common is the latter course of events. I'll sigh, sit down at the computer, and begin trying to flesh out characters, add new dialogue, make the plot interesting. Often, the process of writing will lead to some spark of inspiration, and I'll contribute something meaningful to the prose for that session. Sometimes, though, inspiration eludes, and these are the most discouraging moments for me as an author.
NaNoWriMo is a month wherein one seeks inspiration through the mechanics of writing, every day. Without the immediate accountability of that community hanging over my head, though, I find myself generally waiting for the hit-or-miss writing-when-inspired events, rather than initiating the more reliable writing-to-be-inspired ones. It takes a certain amount of willpower to write toward inspiration, not unlike the drive one needs to roll out of bed for an early morning training run.
I've been lax with running, too, since the Walt Disney World Half Marathon, so there are two areas of my life which need prompt attention. All right then, this is the week. Let's go.
Wow, it's been over a week since I've blogged. It's not that I don't have anything I want to say, it's just that I have trouble finding the time to say it. Much like my prose writing.
My writing albatross recently has been the question of inspiration. (And the inspiration for the silly title of this blog entry is courtesy of the original Electric Company...) Do you write only when inspired, or seek inspiration through writing? Both have happened to me.
I particularly enjoy writing when the former situation occurs. I'll be idly reviewing ideas or recent plot points in my mind, when suddenly the planets align, all the gears mesh, and I see something grand. I'll be struck with an urgent desire—actually, more a need—to record this flash of insight, and I'll rush to the keyboard. These are the most satisfying writing sessions.
But far more common is the latter course of events. I'll sigh, sit down at the computer, and begin trying to flesh out characters, add new dialogue, make the plot interesting. Often, the process of writing will lead to some spark of inspiration, and I'll contribute something meaningful to the prose for that session. Sometimes, though, inspiration eludes, and these are the most discouraging moments for me as an author.
NaNoWriMo is a month wherein one seeks inspiration through the mechanics of writing, every day. Without the immediate accountability of that community hanging over my head, though, I find myself generally waiting for the hit-or-miss writing-when-inspired events, rather than initiating the more reliable writing-to-be-inspired ones. It takes a certain amount of willpower to write toward inspiration, not unlike the drive one needs to roll out of bed for an early morning training run.
I've been lax with running, too, since the Walt Disney World Half Marathon, so there are two areas of my life which need prompt attention. All right then, this is the week. Let's go.
My writing albatross recently has been the question of inspiration. (And the inspiration for the silly title of this blog entry is courtesy of the original Electric Company...) Do you write only when inspired, or seek inspiration through writing? Both have happened to me.
I particularly enjoy writing when the former situation occurs. I'll be idly reviewing ideas or recent plot points in my mind, when suddenly the planets align, all the gears mesh, and I see something grand. I'll be struck with an urgent desire—actually, more a need—to record this flash of insight, and I'll rush to the keyboard. These are the most satisfying writing sessions.
But far more common is the latter course of events. I'll sigh, sit down at the computer, and begin trying to flesh out characters, add new dialogue, make the plot interesting. Often, the process of writing will lead to some spark of inspiration, and I'll contribute something meaningful to the prose for that session. Sometimes, though, inspiration eludes, and these are the most discouraging moments for me as an author.
NaNoWriMo is a month wherein one seeks inspiration through the mechanics of writing, every day. Without the immediate accountability of that community hanging over my head, though, I find myself generally waiting for the hit-or-miss writing-when-inspired events, rather than initiating the more reliable writing-to-be-inspired ones. It takes a certain amount of willpower to write toward inspiration, not unlike the drive one needs to roll out of bed for an early morning training run.
I've been lax with running, too, since the Walt Disney World Half Marathon, so there are two areas of my life which need prompt attention. All right then, this is the week. Let's go.
But We Were on a Break...
Tuesday, January 20. 2009
Tonight, I finally turned back to my NaNoWriMo 2008 novel again in earnest. Of course, I'm not writing. I'm editing.
It's easy for me to get into the editing mood. As soon as I start reviewing anything I've written before—anything—I'll start making it "better." Honestly, I do believe these editing sessions improve my prose. But it's too seductive—I feel that I spend too much time polishing the text I have, when I ought to be producing new text. Not as critical now that I'm not in the heat of NaNoBattle, but still not the most productive use of my time.
Well, I've been away from this story long enough that the editing process is useful for me. I'm reviewing the novel I've written so far, building a "treatment" or summary document from it to help me orient myself, and making improvements as I go along. When I get to the end, I'll keep going. Shouldn't take too long to arrive there.
I just have to make sure I can put myself in the writing "mood" when the time comes.
Tonight, I finally turned back to my NaNoWriMo 2008 novel again in earnest. Of course, I'm not writing. I'm editing.
It's easy for me to get into the editing mood. As soon as I start reviewing anything I've written before—anything—I'll start making it "better." Honestly, I do believe these editing sessions improve my prose. But it's too seductive—I feel that I spend too much time polishing the text I have, when I ought to be producing new text. Not as critical now that I'm not in the heat of NaNoBattle, but still not the most productive use of my time.
Well, I've been away from this story long enough that the editing process is useful for me. I'm reviewing the novel I've written so far, building a "treatment" or summary document from it to help me orient myself, and making improvements as I go along. When I get to the end, I'll keep going. Shouldn't take too long to arrive there.
I just have to make sure I can put myself in the writing "mood" when the time comes.
It's easy for me to get into the editing mood. As soon as I start reviewing anything I've written before—anything—I'll start making it "better." Honestly, I do believe these editing sessions improve my prose. But it's too seductive—I feel that I spend too much time polishing the text I have, when I ought to be producing new text. Not as critical now that I'm not in the heat of NaNoBattle, but still not the most productive use of my time.
Well, I've been away from this story long enough that the editing process is useful for me. I'm reviewing the novel I've written so far, building a "treatment" or summary document from it to help me orient myself, and making improvements as I go along. When I get to the end, I'll keep going. Shouldn't take too long to arrive there.
I just have to make sure I can put myself in the writing "mood" when the time comes.
My Mission: Fail More
Sunday, January 18. 2009
I recently mentioned my New Year's Resolution on Twitter: "Fail more." This sentiment is based on the ideas expressed in this blog post regarding failure. Essentially, I'm worried that I'm not pushing the limits in my life. I'm being too conservative, and too sensitive. If I ever want to get anywhere, I have to let go of those aspects of my personality.
It's in my nature to avoid conflict. I don't know why; it's just the way I've always been. I'm a lot less conflict-averse than I used to be, because my day job demands it to some extent. I look back now on my personality in college and frankly wonder how I managed to survive. Back then, I took every setback, rejection, or implied slight to heart, and ruminated over it almost to the point of ulcers. I'm better today, but still not as bulletproof as I'd like to be.
So my resolution for this year is to be much more open to rejection and failure. I want to push myself to get out there and take risks, despite the possibility of failing. Because without risk, there can be no success. If I fail, I'll dust myself off quickly and head back into the fray. This is my roadmap for 2009. Hopefully, it will also lead to publication...
I recently mentioned my New Year's Resolution on Twitter: "Fail more." This sentiment is based on the ideas expressed in this blog post regarding failure. Essentially, I'm worried that I'm not pushing the limits in my life. I'm being too conservative, and too sensitive. If I ever want to get anywhere, I have to let go of those aspects of my personality.
It's in my nature to avoid conflict. I don't know why; it's just the way I've always been. I'm a lot less conflict-averse than I used to be, because my day job demands it to some extent. I look back now on my personality in college and frankly wonder how I managed to survive. Back then, I took every setback, rejection, or implied slight to heart, and ruminated over it almost to the point of ulcers. I'm better today, but still not as bulletproof as I'd like to be.
So my resolution for this year is to be much more open to rejection and failure. I want to push myself to get out there and take risks, despite the possibility of failing. Because without risk, there can be no success. If I fail, I'll dust myself off quickly and head back into the fray. This is my roadmap for 2009. Hopefully, it will also lead to publication...
It's in my nature to avoid conflict. I don't know why; it's just the way I've always been. I'm a lot less conflict-averse than I used to be, because my day job demands it to some extent. I look back now on my personality in college and frankly wonder how I managed to survive. Back then, I took every setback, rejection, or implied slight to heart, and ruminated over it almost to the point of ulcers. I'm better today, but still not as bulletproof as I'd like to be.
So my resolution for this year is to be much more open to rejection and failure. I want to push myself to get out there and take risks, despite the possibility of failing. Because without risk, there can be no success. If I fail, I'll dust myself off quickly and head back into the fray. This is my roadmap for 2009. Hopefully, it will also lead to publication...
Ephemeral Creativity
Wednesday, January 14. 2009
I've begun a small experiment: I'm impersonating a well-known character on Twitter.
No, I'm not going to tell who it is. That would have the potential of spoiling the experiment, since the zero or so people who read this blog might wander over and follow my appropriated avatar based on this post. I want to see how well I can build a group of followers by the "old-fashioned" method of being witty and following likely audience members.
It's an interesting and quite satisfying creative outlet, playing at being a character the public is already familiar with in a open forum. It's a bit like Twitter fiction, which has apparently even become a paying market. Of course, Twitter fiction as referenced here is intended to be standalone, each story complete in 140 characters or less. This limitation necessarily means that much of the narrative must be implied. The problem I have with the Twitter fiction I've read is that it almost invariably leaves the conflict resolution implied. To me, these efforts are more vignettes than actual stories. Still, these look like a lot of fun to do, and they can be entertaining.
My output as an established character is different, but still fiction. I have the advantage of a shared backstory—everyone knows who my character is. So my "fiction" consists of little scenes (yes, "vignettes," not really stories) wherein I share an amusing insight into the character's persona, or a twist on current events by re-interpreting them through the character's eyes. My success at this endeavor will be measured in the size of the following I eventually attract.
Side benefit: if I do build a nice following over the next year or so, I can then use that medium to point people to my "conventional" fiction. Darth Vader currently has over 25,000 followers. I'd be pleased with a tenth of that.
I've begun a small experiment: I'm impersonating a well-known character on Twitter.
No, I'm not going to tell who it is. That would have the potential of spoiling the experiment, since the zero or so people who read this blog might wander over and follow my appropriated avatar based on this post. I want to see how well I can build a group of followers by the "old-fashioned" method of being witty and following likely audience members.
It's an interesting and quite satisfying creative outlet, playing at being a character the public is already familiar with in a open forum. It's a bit like Twitter fiction, which has apparently even become a paying market. Of course, Twitter fiction as referenced here is intended to be standalone, each story complete in 140 characters or less. This limitation necessarily means that much of the narrative must be implied. The problem I have with the Twitter fiction I've read is that it almost invariably leaves the conflict resolution implied. To me, these efforts are more vignettes than actual stories. Still, these look like a lot of fun to do, and they can be entertaining.
My output as an established character is different, but still fiction. I have the advantage of a shared backstory—everyone knows who my character is. So my "fiction" consists of little scenes (yes, "vignettes," not really stories) wherein I share an amusing insight into the character's persona, or a twist on current events by re-interpreting them through the character's eyes. My success at this endeavor will be measured in the size of the following I eventually attract.
Side benefit: if I do build a nice following over the next year or so, I can then use that medium to point people to my "conventional" fiction. Darth Vader currently has over 25,000 followers. I'd be pleased with a tenth of that.
No, I'm not going to tell who it is. That would have the potential of spoiling the experiment, since the zero or so people who read this blog might wander over and follow my appropriated avatar based on this post. I want to see how well I can build a group of followers by the "old-fashioned" method of being witty and following likely audience members.
It's an interesting and quite satisfying creative outlet, playing at being a character the public is already familiar with in a open forum. It's a bit like Twitter fiction, which has apparently even become a paying market. Of course, Twitter fiction as referenced here is intended to be standalone, each story complete in 140 characters or less. This limitation necessarily means that much of the narrative must be implied. The problem I have with the Twitter fiction I've read is that it almost invariably leaves the conflict resolution implied. To me, these efforts are more vignettes than actual stories. Still, these look like a lot of fun to do, and they can be entertaining.
My output as an established character is different, but still fiction. I have the advantage of a shared backstory—everyone knows who my character is. So my "fiction" consists of little scenes (yes, "vignettes," not really stories) wherein I share an amusing insight into the character's persona, or a twist on current events by re-interpreting them through the character's eyes. My success at this endeavor will be measured in the size of the following I eventually attract.
Side benefit: if I do build a nice following over the next year or so, I can then use that medium to point people to my "conventional" fiction. Darth Vader currently has over 25,000 followers. I'd be pleased with a tenth of that.
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